Striking Chords

may - december

2004-10-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was one of those lovely, spontaneous days. My friend Sher and I were going to stay in to watch the Green Bay Packer game on TV. But she was suddenly devastated to find out that her so-called boyfriend was travelling up to Green Bay from Milwaukee with an ex-girlfriend of his to see the game. So, my broken-hearted friend was feeling like having a "girl's night"... going out and cutting-loose! So we went out to watch the football game, sitting in an outdoor beer garden on a chilly night, with many big-screen TV's to watch the game on, and toasty heater columns spread throughout the patio, under which many of us situated our bar stools... it was SO nice. We had a wonderful time... a great adventure, and WHAT wonderful things transpired!

Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2004 10:52:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dee
Subject: may-december
To: Mel

Mel - How are you!! I have to tell you what happened last night.... GEEEEEZ. What a crazy couple of days I've had. Yesterday Sher and I had planned on watching the Monday night Packer game together at her place, but then she wanted us to go out to this place called McG's in downtown Milwaukee to watch the game!

Was a VERY interesting night.... I ended up sitting near a group of guys from [deleted] Corp and they started talking to me and one of them sorta picked me up [his buddy and I were ripping on him for being a Titans fan, and it just developed from there] This guy is only 23-yr-old... HAHAHA ... but he looked and acted like he was in his thirties.... so what a shocker to find out his real age. I really liked him alot... we watched the whole game together, and he looked after me all night while we walked around town with his friends, and he never left my side... he didn't care that I was *cough cough* THIRTEEN years older than him. His buddies said we both look the same age... so that's good. We shall see if I see him again... you just never know. YOU know how it is... all the promises made late at night when the beer is flowing so freely.... He said he wants to come out on a Friday night to check out one of my kickball league games and take me out afterward. He also wants to take me out to do karaoke sometime... but wants to get me lit first on tequila so I'll be brave enough to go up there and sing. haha Geez... this whole AGE thing is really crazy. We'll see how it goes!! Friggin' TWENTY THREE!!!!!!!!! What do you think of that!!!

Meanwhile.................. Sher got picked up by a millionaire from Milwaukee - a lot of people at McG's knew about him, so I know it is not an exaggeration! [it figures... Sher's a millionaire magnet... not sure how she does that]. This guy has millions tied up in real estate, and a construction company, and *this* company, and *that* company... oh, and of course, he drives a big silver HumVee.... typical. She likes him... but my 23-yr-old friend and I thought he looked creepy.

Anyway. Way too much fun for a *school night*. I got home at 2:00am. Haven't done that in awhile.... now I'm dragging ASS today.

So hey. How are you? ...... let's talk soon, about my travel plans to come see you for Halloween weekend..... hope your day is going good. How was your anniversary - do tell !!!!!!!!!!! Love you!!

Dee

re-igniting an old flame

2004-10-10T17:36:00.000-05:00

My summer has been very interesting, to say the VERY least. Strange happenings... exciting happenings!! I was married for almost eight years... I don't remember life ever being as interesting during my married life... or as heart-wrenching...

Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 19:23:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dee
Subject: blue thursday
To: Mel

Hi Mel.... just thought I'd drop you a note while I'm waiting for the clock to tick to 5pm... so I can go home. What a day!!! I have been SO blue and teary-eyed all day, it's the partly because of the weather. I talked to Sher on our cell phones this morning on our way to work, and she said the same thing.... we're both SO tired and blue this week. It's been chilly and cloudy all week. WHERE is summer, dammit??

Also.... the strangest thing.... my life never ceases to be dramatic... by chance, I ran into an old flame from 14 years ago... Joe. He's a big-wig for the County Highway Dept out here, and we had a pretty serious relationship back then. But he's so much older than me... I was 22 then... he was 34. For various reasons, we broke it off, on very good terms... I was just SO young and had growing up to do, and my two eldest kids were just babies then. But after we broke it off, he said if we were both single in ten years, we'd get married. He had loved me SO much, but the timing was off [he'd just gotten divorced], and he wasn't ready to raise babies with me.

Well, I saw him the other day and he about fell over himself when he saw me!!! It was emotional, almost like we'd just broken up last week or something!!! We exchanged emails and phone numbers and had an on-going email conversation all day yesterday... about how I'd been the love of his life, and how ours was the best relationship of his entire life... and giving me up had been one of the biggest mistakes of his life.... etc.... etc....

BUT [and there's always a *BUT* these days, in my life of being single...]... he's engaged!!! He says the relationship is not happy, and is very rocky... Regardless, he feels loyalty to her, and I respect him for that. Here in this email, I can't accurately express the emotion he showed me, and how easily he could just drop everything and run to me and start a passionate love affair right here and now, but he doesn't want me or ANYONE to get hurt -- it wouldn't be right or fair. Unbeknownst to me... he had sought me out a few years ago, only to hear from my brother that I was happily married.... so he said he'd let go and moved on with his life.

I just can't believe how this just happened so suddenly... this sudden emotional avalanche!! We were on the phone last night talking about things for about two hours, and he had me just sobbing by the end of the phonecall. This man is pouring his heart and soul out to me, and the timing just SUCKS!!!!!!!! We talked alot about my marriage and how it ended so horribly, and about the sadness of losing a spouse, and about his relationship with his fiancee... and the very fond memories of the two of US, and we agreed they were all happy times... we had GREAT times together back then. We were amazing companions.... and I got so sad when Joe told me about all the stuff he and his fiancee do together now, and about their life.... all the things that I'm missing with him - it was very close to being *me* in those shoes.

So anyway, we decided we can't see eachother... not even for coffee or ANYTHING. He would HAVE to be with me if he started spending any kind of time with me. Damn!!! For him, the old feelings never went away. I totally respect him.... that he can show this kind of restraint for the sake of this woman he's engaged to. She's a lucky gal. I wish I'd never run into him!!!!! But then again, it WAS good to see him... SO confusing! I had always wondered what happened to him. He asked how I've been all these years, and he is SO proud of me, of everything I've accomplished!!! I had nothing when I met him, and I was struggling and dirt poor. Him being proud of me made me cry too. Dammit.

Anyway, just another chapter..... and I hope this chapter is CLOSED. He's out of town this weekend, so he has time to think, and I have time to not talk to him, and to let the shock wear off. Can you believe the drama that IS my life???
Write me soon.... miss you, love you!!

Dee

dumped on my ass

2004-10-10T13:59:00.000-05:00

Here is a great example of how the vulnerable single woman can be broad-sided in the dating world. I'm becoming much stronger and happier now, many months later. I've come to terms with being on my own and unattached ["alone", if you will]. I'm doing very well now. But it is still painful to read this letter from Mike - I really liked him. I still have no real idea what happened?

Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2004 17:18:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dee
Subject: dumped !!
To: Mel

Hey, Mel !! I have had quite a week.... got reprimanded pretty bad at work the other day, and was actually concerned I could get fired possibly! But I made amends and everything is fine. Just something I allowed to slip, but it will be okay.... and the kids are fine, and [my eldest daughter] is doing alot better... thank goodness. I am getting ready to register my two younger kids for school this week... but I need some time off work, like half a day... but now I'm hesitant to ask for the time off, after getting my butt chewed by the boss..... I'm laying low for awhile. ;-)

Well, another thing....... I told you about Mike!!! Well, the fucker dumped me the day after our Tuesday night date, and I thought we were fine, except that he seemed a little distant... but I thought it was just shyness. He was like that when he arrived to pick me up..... so Sher's and my theory is that the problem is "another woman"... As for our Tuesday night date, everything seemed to be pretty awesome... we got along great.... had fun, had good conversation, had some laughs...

Hmmm.... I attached his email below. So, whatever happened to "getting to know eachother" or maybe even "becoming friends", before burning up the sheets together?? True intimacy takes time to develop normally. And the guy was ALL OVER ME toward the end of our first date... kissing me, telling me I'm beautiful, etc... geez, what happened there... not sure, but he felt some attraction to me THAT night.

Well, needless to say, this was a disappointment, I had alot of hope that this guy would turn out to be pretty cool... he sure SEEMED to be, we really exchanged alot of correspondence, leading up to our first date.

Ahhh.. the exciting world of the single female. It's actually pretty interesting - never boring, that's for sure. I'm licking the wounds of my bruised ego... and tonight I'm driving down to Chicago again to see my friend Jay, and we're doing another moonlight bike ride downtown along the lake.... I can't wait. Then tomorrow I pick up my little daughter and get to spend the whole weekend busting my ass, cleaning the old townhouse I just moved out of. I have to be done by Sunday night..... *blech*.

Anyway, here's what Mike wrote... and NO WAY am I going to call him..... like, does he really think I'm going to chase him? I responded with an email, and pretty much said "goodbye".... BUH BYE. :-)

Anyway, here are Mike's *final words*... ;-P

-------------------------------------------

mike wrote:

Hey Dee,

Thanks for the note, and don't feel bad about last night. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure, based on this note, and your phone call on my way home, that you realize things didn't sit totally right with me last night. I don't know what it was either, but I guess I felt more of a friend vibe with you last night. I guess I didn't have the physical chemistry that I feel is so important. I'm not sure where this leaves us... you are a great girl, and I like you a lot, but I'm not sure it would work for us as lovers based on the way I feel. I hope you understand! Please feel free to give me a call tonight so we can talk about it if you like.

Mike

-------------------------------------------

Date: Sun, 8 Aug 2004 07:56:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mel
Subject: Re: dumped !!
To: Dee

Hey Dee,

Here's to the start of a new week, one in which you get rewarded at your job for your hard work and one in which men know what they want and are able to ask for it. Boy. You had a tough one last week, huh?

As far as Mike goes, good riddance. One more guy closer to the "good one" who I'm sure you'll meet eventually. Until then, continue to have fun with Jay and your other friends. You are single now and can do whatever you want to do. Have a blast!! Have you been spending a lot of time with your friend Sher who also lives in Milwaukee?

Hope you are enjoying your weekend. Take it easy and email me again when you can.

Love, Mel

old letters from the attic

2004-10-10T12:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, since there is so much that has happened this summer... and I have already done all the hard work of chronicling my adventures... through letters to my dearest friends... I thought it would be fun to copy some of those old emails HERE, where I had written them with fresh memories and clear eyes. As now, the details and images are fuzzy in my mind. But the vibrant email accounts are still there in my "sent items", ready to share!

As I said in my first entry, I have tried dating and have failed... over and over again!! I've failed MISERABLY. Not sure why that is.... ;-) This is a letter to my friend, Melanie... she lives in San Francisco and is one of my very best friends... we've known eachother for over 22 years.

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2004 07:33:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: Dee
Subject: Re: Saturday
To: Mel

Hi, Mel !!! I am so sorry I've been so bad about emailing. There is just so much happening, it is just a whirlwind. The kids and I are doing really good -- we're pretty settled into our new place. Once I get all the boxes out of my livingroom, and get things hung on the walls, and the pile of books out of the middle of the livingroom floor, I will get my camera out for some pictures, and I will send them to you. I almost had everything unpacked this week, and then I made another run to the old house yesterday afternoon, and packed my car with MORE stuff. I can't believe how many books I own! [not that I'm complaining....]

It sounds to me like you are having a GREAT summer now!! I'm glad things are better.... I remember a few weeks ago you felt like everything was going wrong for you. I've *been there* many many times.... so I'm happy to see things working positively for you. Especially I am happy that your husband is HOME!!! Your trip down the Pacific coast will be great... [my daughter] and I enjoyed that SO much when we were out there. Sounds very romantic for you two. Any particular destination?? Carmel-By-The-Sea was perfect. Again, I can't tell you how happy I am that you have your husband home, safe and sound.

Hey.... about family.... I never hear from [my eldest daughter]. That could be a good sign. She's at a point in her life where she's just absorbed in her own world, and only reaches out to the parents when she needs something...... so, like I said.... her silence is a comfort, in a way. I get news here and there from her stepmom. [My eldest daughter] doesn't call her either, but she is working for her father's company... so he's been keeping an eye on her, and he sees how she's doing. It comforts me GREATLY to know her father is right there, nearby, all day. So I don't worry about her... but I miss her terribly!!!

[My youngest daughter] LOVES our new place.... she loves it so much, she never wants to leave - like when it's time for me to go to work, she doesn't want to go spend the day at her grandparents' house - she wants to stay home, and maybe go in the pool. I can't wait to get some pictures taken of the place. I have two bathrooms, and got them decorated SO CUTE. And the funny thing is, I've never had a dishwasher before, but I have one now... I LOVE IT. But the first day I tried to use it, I didn't know how.... like, I didn't know how much detergent to use, and where to put it. Crazy, huh? And WOW... I even have a garbage disposal in the kitchen... oh, and central air!!! I'm the same as my daughter... I never want to leave home now. We also have this nice patio with sliding glass patio doors... and the patio has shade ALL day, it's so wonderful and breezy there. Sher [my best friend] and I were sitting out there with my kids last night, just enjoying the evening air. The neighborhood is really peaceful.

So, life is looking good, I just have ONE big HUGE obstacle to conquer. It's my old place. My old landlord is screaming at me for money.... I told him I'd be all settled up with him by the end of August. I had to pay double-rent for August on the old AND the new place... and last month had to scrape up a security deposit for the new place. So I told the old landlord he'll get his friggin' money, but it will take a few weeks for all of it. He's being a complete asshole, and the man has known me for almost TEN years, and he knows me to be a very good person, and we've always gotten along great... he told me a few times I'm one of the best tenants he's ever had. So now his behavior really pisses me off.... yeah, he threatens to take me to small claims court and everything. I don't think he can, if I owe him less than $1,000. I only owe him $720. What a jerk... he'll have it soon. I guess he's panicking because I've moved already and he has nothing to hold over my head.

Oh, and I met someone new recently..... But you might remember last month I'd tried dating this really sweet guy named Will --- but I cut that short. He had gotten all gropey and was kissing me really hard one night and all I could think of was *I gotta get OUTTA here!!!* I'm not sure if I told you about all that??? He and I had a few really great times together, just going out and enjoying eachother's company.... but once he started getting physical with me, it just creeped me out.... it wasn't sweet or romantic or anything... it was sudden and forceful... I likened it to a "bear mauling" when I was talking to Sher about it one day. So of course, I don't see him or talk to him anymore, but I was very gentle and kind when I broke it off with him... so at least it wasn't an ugly ending.

So anyway... I met this man named Mike, he's 35 years old. And remember I told you that Sher and I were dabbling with Yahoo Personals this summer?? Well that's how I met Mike... and we have been emailing eachother for about three weeks now. He's been writing me these really nice, long, scrolling emails almost every single day. I really felt like I got to know him pretty well that way. WELL.... come to find out we both work in the same industry in this area..... and I told him my company is a member of an organization that Mike is the chairman of .. he RUNS everything. So, COME TO FIND OUT he knows my boss. What a small world, huh?? Talk about *COINCIDENCE*. We got a good laugh off of that.... I can't believe how that worked out. We might have eventually met eachother anyway! Mike thought it would be funny if I mentioned him to my boss, so I did. My boss was shocked that I'd met Mike [of all people] in a non-work-related way. Now my boss is digging to find out how I actually *met* Mike, but I won't tell him the details... not about Yahoo!!!

So, Mike and I had our first date [our first face-to-face] this past Friday night... he was anxious to meet me, and we really hit it off. What a great time!! We went out on the town in downtown Milwaukee, and both got quite tipsy on beer... smoked some cigarettes, and just were really absorbed in conversation all night long. And somehow, after many hours, we ended up making-out right there in this one bar... it was packed in there, and we were off in a corner just smooching. For some reason, it felt really natural to me... which is weird, because I don't normally warm up to a man that quickly, and usually never kiss on the first date. Maybe it was because we'd corresponded for so long before we met and I felt acquainted with him already? So anyway, he called me yesterday afternoon and wants to see me again, this Tuesday night. We're planning to have dinner, and then go to this one beach on Lake Michigan where we can build a little campfire and share a bottle of wine. That sounds SO nice.

Oh, and Saturday night was even better. I was just hanging around the house all day with my kids, and I rented some movies for me to watch... for after the kids were in bed. Well, at around 8pm, while I was getting my little daughter ready for bed, my buddy Jay from Chicago called. I'd been planning to see him sometime this weekend, but decided to stay home instead with the kids. But he asked me what I was up to, and I told him I was going to watch some movies on DVD..... and he said I should pack up my bike in my car and come down to see him right then and there. He asked if I wanted to *live life* or just *watch life on DVD*. haha [he had a point there!!]

So, I got my little girl in bed, and my son was more than happy to have the place and the DVD player all to himself, so he told me to just go ahead!!! So I drove down to Chicago and arrived at around 9:30... Jay lives in Lincoln Park, just a couple blocks from the zoo and the lakefront. Jay put my bike together for me [I have a quick-release front tire so the bike fits in my car], and we rode out to the lakefront, where right away you can see the Chicago skyline. It was SO beautiful that night... and romantic! There is a bike track all along the beach, that goes for miles -- all the way into downtown, so we rode it... there is alot of bike and pedestrian traffic on that route at all times of the day. Jay and I were riding our bikes... just talking, laughing, and holding hands... and sometimes doing "crack the whip"... We probably looked like dorks holding hands on bicycles, but that didn't matter.

Well, his plan was to take me to dinner on Navy Pier... it was awesome... we sat in this outdoor bistro, with live jazz on stage. We were at first seated in front of some really loud speakers, and Jay asked the waiter to move us someplace quieter so he could hear me talk. [is he a sweetie or what!!!] Navy Pier was awesome... docked right there were the Tall Ships that come around every year... with the big sails and masts... [they will be arriving for the Tall Ships Festival in Wisconsin next weekend!]

So anyway, that was very cool. I've told you about Jay... we had gone to Blues Fest in June, and I've been seeing him about every-other weekend this summer. We are so comfortable around eachother since we've been friends for all these 20 years... ever since we were wild teenagers hanging out together, getting into trouble. And it is SO romantic riding around through parks and down the lakefront on bikes with him in the city at night... the lighting was perfect, and there was also a full moon that night. He kept stopping along the way to look at the cityscape, or to smooch and cuddle with me. GOODNESS. But regardless of the fact that we love all the passionate kisses and stuff, I don't want to start up another heated love affair with him again, like we did two years ago after my separation from my husband. It was much too intense, and I'd really like to see how things develop with this new guy, Mike. So Jay and I are just really enjoying some nice sweet moments without getting too terribly involved and complicated. I like that.

Anyway, I finally got myself home at around 2:00am [long drive back to Milwaukee!! But worth it.] Once I got home, I couldn't sleep so I was up until about 4:00am. Then my sister and her husband and my nephew [from Green Bay], came to visit in the late morning, and we took the kids to the pool... that was really nice, but I was SO tired and crabby. As you can imagine! But the family time was really great.

So that is what's been happening around me in the past week or so....... busy busy, working, and just enjoying summer. Oh, and I still get phonecalls from Jeff... remember him? He's having this on-again, off-again relationship with this one woman [the one he was seeing behind my back... the one who "planted" her stuff in his bathroom!!]. So whenever he's blue or lonely, he calls me to chat... usually pretty late at night. I don't mind too much, I do like talking to him, but I could never date him again. Sher says that Jeff and I have this whole *love/hate* thing going on... and she thinks I'm nuts that I don't tell him to just F*** OFF. Oh well... maybe eventually he'll stop calling. Maybe. But he's been hinting that he wants us to start seeing eachother again, says he misses that so much..... uhhhhhhhhhh..... NO.

Well, sweetie... I should probably get some work done this morning. I just really felt like chatting with you and letting you know what was happening around here. I'd love to call you again on the phone sometime - it will be great to hear your voice again. I miss you very much. Write again soon, I love hearing about your life and what you're doing too. I wish I could be there, and be part of it all.

LOVE YOU.
Dee

let's try this again!!

2004-10-10T03:15:00.000-05:00

After much coaxing from old blogging friends and with so much building in my head.... stories just pressing to be told!... I decided to again pick up the cyber-pen and start up another blog to share with the world all the bizarre and emotional quests of my new life!

Do you all remember me? Perhaps I will dig around and find my old archives and link to them when I have time. So much has happened this summer! The entire summer is chronicled in my email archives.... letters to friends describing my adventures, love letters, break-up letters, etc... etc... you won't believe the excitement, thrills, and turmoil I've experienced these past few months.

The only constant in my life for the past couple years has been my job. Otherwise, I've reconnected with old friends, have tried dating and have failed miserably at that, I have relocated and now live in the Milwaukee-metro area, I have grabbed my best friend and we have both joined an exciting adult kickball league which is very thrilling, I've bought a shiny new metallic-orange car which I love to drive but can hardly afford [hee hee], and I have unfortunately picked up a new and passionate love-hate relationship with cigarettes!

Forgive me for this generic and cheap "free" blog account... for now, it's what I'm starting with until I have time to set up a nice domain for my writing again. I haven't the energy today. If you'll recall my old spiffy designs that I created.... I hardly have the time or energy for that at the moment. It will come to me... but not now. More soon.... this is my first post.... to say "hello, world"... I am back.